If it's really out of my hands,
Would you forgive all my sins?
Have mercy on me."- H.E.R. 2019 (Fate)
The first time I heard that song, I had chills. I mean H.E.R aka Gabi Wilson's voice always gives me chills. But this time, it was different. It felt like she was singing about my life. The lyrics resonated with me like never before. Now for all those who are not familiar with the song, she is basically having relationship woes. I mean who doesn't right? But no this is not why I relate to the song. The part in the song where she was wondering if everything happening now was due to wrongdoings from the past, now that is where shit gets deep. Although she mentions fate in the song, I think the concept she is really grappling with is karma.
Whoever said, "Karma is a bitch depending on how you treat her," might be on to something. Personally, I believe karma is real. A sort of contradiction for me granted I constantly do things that could potentially bring me some "bad karma." To make things clear, I am not out here stealing from people or hurting people. However, when it comes to relationships and relations with the opposite sex, I have made decisions that could potentially result in "bad karma."
Although I did nothing out of the ordinary, I can't help but wonder if my current hardships with relationships are as a result of all the "bad karma" finally catching up to me. But what does this even mean? Who determines what is bad karma or good karma? Who is keeping score? Is there a way to cancel bad with good? Is there retribution?
Over the years, in my convoluted mind, I have somehow convinced myself that I could take the power into my own hands by purposefully putting myself in karma's way. In other words, I put myself in situations I know will end in tears LOL, hoping the inevitable hurt will be used to pay some of my debt to the universe.
Sounds crazy I know. Did it work you ask? Well, I don't know. I'm not sure if I will ever know but I live another day to find out.
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